I tend to keep quiet about my personal life. For those that do not know, I am a father and primary caretaker of four boys, the youngest of which is 0 years old, and the older two of which I am in charge of homeschooling. I also work a part time job, and try to find the time to work on and upload my fantasy adventure webcomic series. This is my current personal situation.
I must speak openly. It’s often said that if you can’t say anything nice, you oughtn’t to say anything at all. This advice, however, runs almost completely contrary to most interactions on social media. People online seem to find a voice in attack others, and those who still haven’t found a voice rejoice in those that are brave enough to say what the silent are thinking. This is not true on every social media platform, however, but most of the big ones seem to be this way. My way of expressing myself through writing runs in stark contrast to expected online interactions, as you will see from this very blog that you’re reading.
Don’t get me wrong—although I am still using vague language here and now, I certainly believe that there are evils out there, manifesting in the hearts of people and spreading like crazy, that DESERVE to be attacked online. I tend to keep quite publicly about my social issue opinions, but those that know me well know that I do have strong opinions on them.
That being said, I find it difficult to promote my silly little sprite comic online when everyone else seems so busy debating about seemingly much more important things. Indeed, as time and life has gone on, it’s been harder and harder to convince myself that my artwork is the best use of my time. It’s difficult to keep telling myself that this comic is worth the time effort I spend on it. This in conjunction with being occasionally inspired only during times when my other duties demand my attention and also what little free time I have being taken up by being too mentally exhausted to do much of anything at all, I’ve been in an extreme creative dry-spell. Art blocks are more commonly present than they are absent. It’s so bad that I can feel the creative side of my brain having been functionally changed and drained.
It used to be the case that I would operate this comic from a large, safe buffer wall of uploads. Since the genesis of the Adventurers’ Guild website, I had been working on episodes two, three, or four ahead of where the upload schedule was. But now, due to all the factors mentioned above, I am less that one episode ahead of where the uploads are. Although there are some comic artists that would find a mere 2 or 3 pages as an acceptable buffer, (myself included back when I was a teenager,) I am now in what I would call “Crisis Mode.”
Be pre-warned that after Episode 21 is finished uploading there will be a rather long hiatus before EP22 begins. I will talk on this more when it happens, but my adverse headspace is to blame.
I can’t help but feel like I’m letting everyone who is reading this down… especially those that support me on patreon. I have not done any side art of any kind for a long time, and I certainly feel like my art skill on a technical level has stagnated and covered in rust. Same with my writing… My artistic muscles are weak.
I have never been good at creating a following. Never learned how to approach someone and welcome him or her in. I’ve been active online for 20 years and never had more than 300 followers on any given platform (that I know of). But this is all beginning to sound like fruitless whining—harkening back to the initial idea of [say nothing nice: say nothing]. I am unsure where to go from here. I feel a change in my life is in order if I want to keep up this endeavor, or least if I want to keep motivated in it.
Those who know me know how dedicated I am in general, and especially to the Adventurers’ Guild project. But to that end, mere words are meaningless; I must act in order to prove such a claim. Simple head-to-the-grindstone work on the main comic has only gotten me this far–I can witness the fruits of that labor. But any other plans that might help promote this comic (of which I have many hypothetical ones) just seem like to much of a time investment right now of a resource that I do not have: time.
Thus, I do not know what to do to conclude this post, or what action to take to improve the situation. I don’t know what to tell you, the read, either. There is nothing more now to say than… pray for me.
